Sunday, June 26, 2011

I don't want to care any more

Why can't I find a nice little link somewhere with all the details on how to get someone else to take care of my husband?

The problem is, while he doesn't want to do any of the things that may help him get better, the kids and I have to live in a constant crisis mode... no routines, a filthy house (toilets haven't been cleaned in months, bathrooms in years, drifts of dog hair everywhere... floor only gets cleaned when a pet vomits, defecates or urinates on it), and it's all about him... except he won't do anything.

After years of carer education, support, and opportunities, he finally went into hospital and got fixated on one medicine that makes him very sleepy and he wants more of it. He left the hospital because he thought the doctor and I were ganging up on him, and now the doctor doesn't think he's sick enough to go back.

And so, instead of staying home and thinking about death, he comes to work with me every day. And requires me to buy him finger buns from the bakery every morning and a chicken schnitzel sandwich for lunch.

And what do I get in return. A sleepy husband who loses his temper when I ask questions, who sleeps in my office snoring and talking to me in his sleep. And boy, am I patient. You have no idea.

I think my infinite patience is wearing out... but how do I let him down gently? I am not buying a caravan for him to live in our yard for a year... my friend did that for her ex, and he still killed himself in their garage when the year was up.

Can I get him on the pension while I am moving him out? Where can I move him to? Or maybe I should just tell him to kill himself as he's been threatening to do for at least the last 7 or 8 years?

Sorry, I just need to vent. If anyone has any useful suggestions on how I can move on with my life without just throwing him onto the street let me know. (I guess I could inflict him on his elderly parents who live overseas)


  1. Hi Sapphyre, I have wondered how you were going!! I am so sad to hear that things aren’t good can you have him committed for awhile don’t feel bad about it sometimes that’s what it takes for you and the children to get so rest bite. I hope you find a solution soon you have battled for so long and many time we carers and wife’s are the ones who are so sadly over looked!
    I wish we lived closer so I could be of some help!!! However {{{{{hugs}}}}} and pray will have to do for now! oxoxoxox

  2. Sapphyre, are you on Face Book we have a wonderful Flylady site there I know people would love to see you there!!! I sure would!!!

  3. I would start looking at getting him on some kind of assistance than see if you can put him in a place to care for him. Call a social worker or counsiler . I know it is differant there than here but if mom's was on medicad I would have her in a home. But she cannot get medicad right now. WE are trying . Try to take care of yourself. Caregiving will kill you before his illness kills him if you let it. Vent all you want girl. We know you love him and he knows it too. But his illness is taking over.

  4. Thankyou Karen. So far, everybody has said I am doing the right thing. I will post my plan now.