Making a plan

I'm not falling apart, I'm moving on.

The plan is for me to:
- attend counselling, just organised through Carers Australia - starts Friday the 15th, unless there is a cancellation. I plan to use these sessions to move forward with my life.
- attend Partners in Depression 6 week (2hrs/week) course - starts Wednesday the 13th, although I haven't got confirmation yet.
- ask Carelink for help cleaning the house (it hasn't been cleaned properly in at least 3.5 years, maybe almost 5 years since hubby hurt his shoulder and his depression took over) and for advice on separation.

- arrange mediation (free for carers here) so he understands what I need him to do to get better and what will happen if he doesn't (separation).
- find out how to separate from him without just kicking him out; accommodation and finances and how he can go on getting his methadone.
- start life as a single mum, which I already have been. But this time, I will have more time and money so I can live a more happy & normal life.

I have told him this is the plan. I'm not sure he understands, which is why it is pretty comprehensive.His first response was I don't need to help him cope with single life; I'll just kill myself. I'm not going to help him with that... if he wants to do that, it's his decision.

What I need him to do to get better (The GP wants most of these too!):
- go to counselling / life coaching (I actually already have an appointment booked for him, am happy to help him find the right one)
- go to a new psychiatrist (I have found one that deals with most of his conditions and may actually be able to help him at her private clinic).
- Maybe go to GROW
- Maybe get a PHaMS worker.
- Make some progress.

At present, he has been coming to work with me most days and lying on a camp bed and resting in my office. He doesn't seem to be able to move forward. We have an appointment booked Friday with a place that can help him deal with getting off benzodiazepenes and his anxiety/depression. He's still 'thinking about it'.

I have posted some of this blog entry on carer forums I belong to and plan to take it along to my support group meeting today. Thank you for your ongoing care and support!

Completing and Remembering 2009

What was your biggest triumph in 2009?
Diagnosing and treating my adrenal fatigue.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2009?
To take over managing DH's medications that he cannot safely manage himself.

What one word best sums up and describes your 2009 experience?
Rollercoaster.

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2009?
I must put my own health and happiness at the top of my priority list. Fit your own oxygen mask before helping others or you will suffocate!

What was the most loving service you performed in 2009?
Staying awake with my husband when he was in lots of pain, unable to sleep, and therefore suicidal.

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2009?
Decluttering our house - it now has 7 years of accumulated clutter.

What are you most happy about completing in 2009?
My stint as a work at home mum. The managing director of my firm decided it was time for all us far-flung workers to return to the offices he pays rent on. This only happened the week before Christmas, and already I have been much more productive... and content!

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2009?
My husband - he always has the greatest impact!
My new friend T - she has been on her own rollercoaster. We have held each other's hands and screamed and cried and laughed through our journeys together.
My counsellor, R - helping me keep on the straight and narrow, and agreeing with me about the adrenal fatigue.

What was the biggest risk you took in 2009?
Taking my husband's medication away from the house without his knowledge. (So it would be harder to access.) I actually snuck out of the house to do this while he was distracted talking to my parents. The risk was he would get very angry with me and I wouldn't cope.

What was the biggest surprise in 2009?
My husband started to realize that his daughter wasn't anywhere near as difficult as he thought she was... as long as you don't rant and rave.

What important relationship improved the most in 2009?
The relationship with my son improved. I believe he knows he can tell me anything now, but we'll have to test that theory over the next year.

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2009?
It's amazing how well you manage things and still keep your sanity!

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2009?
To my husband: You are the dearest, sweetest, most loving and sexy man, and I'm so glad you're all mine! (I'm going to send that to him on Skype right now!)

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2009?
2009 was a difficult year. I'm glad it's over, and I have come through it stronger, and more loving than ever.

Thanks to Sandy MacGregor's Mind Matters News for these questions.

The Rollercoaster continued

I woke up next morning full of anxiety, but at least I slept well!

I decided I need to do something to relieve my anxiety. I rang the local pound and they had a report for a missing puppy from the day before matching the description of the puppy we found. One problem solved. DH walked puppy up to the shops to give him back to his owners late Thursday afternoon.

Now, how to regain my equilibrium. I rang a local carer support group that had an outing scheduled for this week; sure that it would be full... but it wasn't! I asked my manager, she agreed a day out would be a good thing for me! So, I'm going up on the rollercoaster, and holding tight to the vision of where I will be able to relax later this week: Peninsula Hot Springs and Day Spa

How do you do it? Time management and prioritizing

Every week I struggle to work my 35 hours. I often end up catching up on the weekend or using leave. Prior to April, I worked 40 hours a week, so things have certainly improved. Thank goodness for flexible work schedules and understanding employers!

Today I created a timetable for myself. Now looking at it, I can see that during the week, if I allow time for school drop off / pick up, lunch, and only working Monday to Friday, I only have 36 hours available to work! (No wonder I was having trouble with 40.)

That's for a regular week. I will still need to use leave or work on the weekends sometimes when we have appointments to attend. Fortunately, work hasn't made a fuss about me using my personal care leave to take care of my family.

With prioritizing, the hardest thing I've had trouble accepting is that everything won't get done. However, if I decide what's most important, soon the other tasks fall off my list or end up getting done later (eventually).

I am now using todoist to track things I have to do. I love it for the following reasons:

1. It runs in my browser in a side-bar so it's always there.
2. It allows emails (gmail) and any web page to be added as a task!
3. It's very easy to use.

Here's a life example. DS left on his school camp this morning. Getting him to camp was my main priority since Friday evening.

• We shopped Saturday afternoon (needed additional shoes, and has grown out of pants and jumpers).
  
• We packed yesterday afternoon.
  
• Last night I washed some additional clothing and then wrote on my hand it needs to go in the dryer.
• When I woke up, I put those clothes in the dryer.
• I made both kids lunches, but only packed DS's.
• Packed the original clothes, 5 minutes before we were due to leave realised the zipper was broken on the gym bag they were all packed in!
• Found another back, repacked, and moved the luggage tag.
• Dropped DS at school gym. Realised we'd forgotten his pillow.
• Came home, DD was dressed and ready to go. Even though she was demanding I pack her lunch, I told her we didn't have time as I had to get DS's pillow to him
• Got DD to school early and got DS's pillow to him.
• Came home, packed DD's lunch, and then got it to her classroom.
• Came home and started work

See it's easy when you prioritize!