Death of a Pet

I'm sorry I have been away for so long. I'm sure you've been waiting for an update to my July post. But I need to write this post, about our Alaskan Malamute, Fur Island*. She died this week, very quickly and unexpectedly. This is a very long post. I just want to write this down, apologies for the length, I have a lot to say. I'm kind of surprised how upset I got because she'd always been a bit of a thorn in my side, despite being DH's best friend and one of the reasons he's still around.

In 2000, when DS was a baby, we moved to a cheap rental near the RSPCA. We decided to adopt a dog, and got a lovely Siberian Husky, Sibe* who'd strayed. We already had a cat named Midget* (since 1997), but we'd been unable to get a dog because our previous homes didn't have back fences. (Both Sibe and Midget have passed away now, but we have two other cats and a Labrador, all pets that we didn't shop for, but they needed a home.)

Living near the RSPCA was both good and bad. DH absolutely adores dogs & cats. He was stuck at home, caring for DS, and they could walk there and see the animals. But when DH was living at home, he could walk there with the stroller and they could visit all the animals waiting to be adopted... or "on death row" as DH used to say. They used to continue to visit every few days, even after we'd adopted Sibe. I wasn't sure this was a good idea, because I knew how DH loved to rescue people and animals. But I was working full-time and he was lonely. I made it clear I wanted to stay a two pet family for now.

One day, a young Malamute caught DH's attention. He played with her a lot and felt a real connection. When he took her back to her pen and tried to leave she held onto the bottom of his pants and looked up at him with "Don't leave me" in her eyes. DH decided he had to rescue her. And he decided he needed to do that without my knowledge, or I might say no.

My sister rang me one day to tell me she thought DH was going to adopt another dog. I said, "Don't be ridiculous. He'd discuss it with me first." I confronted him about it and he outright lied to me and said she was making it all up. (Which would be weird, as they usually got on like a house on fire.)

Later that week, I came home from work, and as usual, was running around like a chook with my head cut off. DH says I walked past Fur Island at least twice without noticing her. (We already had a large dog, there colouring was similar, and I was distracted.) He remembers the moment I realised there was another dog in the house. My face changed... confusion and then anger. I couldn't believe my husband of less than 3 years had told me an outright lie, more than once, just to get another dog!?! I was furious!

To be honest, over the next few days I was wondering if we could stay together. Not because I couldn't deal with another dog, but because he could lie to me like that. I wondered how many more lies there would be, or had been. I wondered if I was that hard to talk to, that he couldn't sit down and discuss getting this particular dog with me. I wondered if we would end up with several dogs because we were averaging an adoption every 3 months at this rate!

One big issue I had with getting another dog, especially another snow dog, was the dog hair. Malamutes & Huskies have a double coat and it seems like (to me) that they are always shedding.

Anyway, now I can look back and see that DH was just like a teenager dealing with something he wanted that he thought I would say no to. Do what you want and then apologize later; you may not get permission if you ask. I would've said yes, with a little convincing, but I guess he didn't realise that at the time.

Fur Island was fine on Tuesday, but suddenly ill on Wednesday morning. We took her to the vet after school. She had to stay overnight and it was possible it was the life threatening condition HGE. I was about to speak at a mental health forum when DH tried to ring me, so I couldn't take the call. When I was finished speaking, I checked my messages. The vet had rung to say Fur Island was in septic shock, and he'd been trying to get me to take her to the Animal Emergency Centre (AEC) where she could be monitored overnight, as she might die. I rang DH and he was furious that I'd been out when he needed me. (He couldn't drive her as his licence has expired, and he's too sedated & unmotivated to renew it; plus our second car had a flat tyre.) The vet had to go home and they were both worried Fur Island wouldn't be alive when the clinic opened (she was on fluids & antibiotics overnight).

I left immediately after my phone call (I was supposed to be on a panel) and spent the drive home praying a rosary that Fur Island would make it through the night. I couldn't understand why the vet hadn't told me that if she needed to go to AEC, that I would have to drive her. If I'd known that, I could have canceled my speaking engagement, just in case. DH was asleep when I got home, but woke up later. He was no longer angry with me, just sad. He was convinced she was already dead. I kept telling him we didn't know that for sure.

Thursday morning he tried to get DH out of bed and dressed so we could make it to the clinic in time for the opening, but he was even slower than usual due to his sadness. So, I ended up calling the clinic. The nurse told me "She's still alive!". But she was also able to say she wasn't doing great. I had prepared the children earlier by telling them the day before that Fur Island might die. DS wasn't coping at all well. We decided he could come to the clinic with us, and see how she was doing, and stay home if he thought he would be too emotional at school. He didn't want to cry in front of his classmates. He's done that so many times before, but not in recent months, and he didn't want to get his reputation as a cry-baby back. I dropped DD at school, she wasn't really worried.

Poor Fur Island, she was breathing heavy, she was so lethargic, her tongue was sticking out, it looked very wrong. Both DH & DS were so upset. The vet told us there were a number of things that could be causing her condition. I decided we needed to X-ray, because one of the possibilities was that her intestines had got twisted and blood flow was cut off to them (similar to gastric torsion, but precipitated by the HGE, not by a meal). If this was the case, there was nothing we could to do to save her.

We all went to my office. I worked for an hour, the vet called. It was the bad news that she did have the twisted intestines. The three of us spent some time with her and said goodbye. DH was holding her when the vet gave her the injection that let her go. We stayed with her for a while. DS and DH were both distraught, and I cried too. DD was fine when I told her, she's only 7, and only emotionally about herself, usually. Her first question was, "Can we get another dog?"

Fur Island was an extraordinary dog. When DS was a baby, he walked on her and didn't complain. She carefully evaluated people and gave them the right level of her enthusiasm. With my elderly grandma, she just sat at her feet. With kids, she babysat. She barked if she thought they were doing something stupid. She also barked at us when we tickled them and made them laugh. She kept DH company through his periods of darkness. She was his best friend.

I woke on Friday feeling depressed. I wasn't expecting that. DD was feeling low too. We had a little chat, and decided that it was like our picture of the world and our family now had a hole in it. Fur Island was gone, and it would take a while to get used to that. So it was okay to feel sad. DS was still too sad to go to school.

It's Sunday now, and the kids and I are coping. I was supposed to go to a big karate seminar today with our founder. But DH has just lost his best friend, and is not coping with his pain. We pick up his methadone takeaways today, and he might just be tempted to search my office and take them all. I certainly couldn't take them to a karate seminar with kids all over the place. And he needs some company. Kancho will be back another time. Our little family comes first.

*Pet names have been changed.

Making a plan

I'm not falling apart, I'm moving on.

The plan is for me to:
- attend counselling, just organised through Carers Australia - starts Friday the 15th, unless there is a cancellation. I plan to use these sessions to move forward with my life.
- attend Partners in Depression 6 week (2hrs/week) course - starts Wednesday the 13th, although I haven't got confirmation yet.
- ask Carelink for help cleaning the house (it hasn't been cleaned properly in at least 3.5 years, maybe almost 5 years since hubby hurt his shoulder and his depression took over) and for advice on separation.

- arrange mediation (free for carers here) so he understands what I need him to do to get better and what will happen if he doesn't (separation).
- find out how to separate from him without just kicking him out; accommodation and finances and how he can go on getting his methadone.
- start life as a single mum, which I already have been. But this time, I will have more time and money so I can live a more happy & normal life.

I have told him this is the plan. I'm not sure he understands, which is why it is pretty comprehensive.His first response was I don't need to help him cope with single life; I'll just kill myself. I'm not going to help him with that... if he wants to do that, it's his decision.

What I need him to do to get better (The GP wants most of these too!):
- go to counselling / life coaching (I actually already have an appointment booked for him, am happy to help him find the right one)
- go to a new psychiatrist (I have found one that deals with most of his conditions and may actually be able to help him at her private clinic).
- Maybe go to GROW
- Maybe get a PHaMS worker.
- Make some progress.

At present, he has been coming to work with me most days and lying on a camp bed and resting in my office. He doesn't seem to be able to move forward. We have an appointment booked Friday with a place that can help him deal with getting off benzodiazepenes and his anxiety/depression. He's still 'thinking about it'.

I have posted some of this blog entry on carer forums I belong to and plan to take it along to my support group meeting today. Thank you for your ongoing care and support!

I don't want to care any more

Why can't I find a nice little link somewhere with all the details on how to get someone else to take care of my husband?

The problem is, while he doesn't want to do any of the things that may help him get better, the kids and I have to live in a constant crisis mode... no routines, a filthy house (toilets haven't been cleaned in months, bathrooms in years, drifts of dog hair everywhere... floor only gets cleaned when a pet vomits, defecates or urinates on it), and it's all about him... except he won't do anything.

After years of carer education, support, and opportunities, he finally went into hospital and got fixated on one medicine that makes him very sleepy and he wants more of it. He left the hospital because he thought the doctor and I were ganging up on him, and now the doctor doesn't think he's sick enough to go back.

And so, instead of staying home and thinking about death, he comes to work with me every day. And requires me to buy him finger buns from the bakery every morning and a chicken schnitzel sandwich for lunch.

And what do I get in return. A sleepy husband who loses his temper when I ask questions, who sleeps in my office snoring and talking to me in his sleep. And boy, am I patient. You have no idea.

I think my infinite patience is wearing out... but how do I let him down gently? I am not buying a caravan for him to live in our yard for a year... my friend did that for her ex, and he still killed himself in their garage when the year was up.

Can I get him on the pension while I am moving him out? Where can I move him to? Or maybe I should just tell him to kill himself as he's been threatening to do for at least the last 7 or 8 years?

Sorry, I just need to vent. If anyone has any useful suggestions on how I can move on with my life without just throwing him onto the street let me know. (I guess I could inflict him on his elderly parents who live overseas)

What have I lost?

I am reading a book on dealing with grief at the moment. Each chapter covers a myth about grieving, and the reality. The first chapter's myth is You only grieve when someone dies. And the reality, of course is, We grieve whenever we lose anything, whether it be someone or something. I completely agree with this.

One of the exercises at the end of the chapter is to make a personal loss profile about a specific experience or an event. So here goes.

The event I choose to reflect on is: My realisation that this may be as good as it gets; hubby may never get any better, and in fact may continue on his slow downward spiral.

These are the losses I experienced, albeit gradually, not all at once:

• I've lost the ability to be honest about my life with friends and family. Apart from our parents, I am not 'allowed' to tell anyone that knows my husband what is really going on in our lives. He believes that he has lost friends by me sharing my problems with people we know. In truth, he may be right, but I am just stating my losses.
• I've lost my house as a welcoming home into which I can invite other people. Much of it is now full of junk. Drifts of snow dog hair and piles of clean and dirty laundry make it extremely uninviting.
• I've lost my freedom. If I go out in the evening, I pay for it later as his anxiety ratchets up, and he becomes extremely clingy and needy.
• I've lost the ability to work a 40 hour week, so I've had to take a pay cut and work a 35 hour week instead. I tried, but even when I was still working at home, I kept running out of time and always having to work on the weekends... because I have to take him to almost all of his appointments and sit there with him so he doesn't get anxious or scatterbrained and forget all the details. Despite him officially being the at home parent, I have to do most of the kid things too. I may as well be a single parent, in that regard.
• I've lost the opportunities to spend time with my extended family (other than my parents). He feels betrayed by my sister and her husband; and my brother and his wife have been distant to him as he becomes intense and hostile when things don't go his way. I have three nephews and a niece that I hardly know. 

I feel better putting that down in writing. I have tried to stick to just the losses and be objective. It will be interesting to see where this book leads me next. I am tempted to write what I am grateful for now, as a follow-up, but I think I will stick with the book exercises for now.

I'm back, with carer grief

It has been a while (7 months, oops!). Silly me, I thought I had everything 'under control', but over the last month or so...

• I've cried at the end of the Dr Who episode about Vincent Van Gogh, because the credits said if we'd been upset by the episode we could go to this special BBC mental health website, BBC Headroom, for support.
• I've cried at the meditation workshop I was at the next day at the beautiful Abbotsford Convent. We were supposed to be imagining a beautiful garden, and I just got sadder and sadder.
• Started taking 2000mg St John's Wort twice a day, again, as once a day was just not doing it for me.
• Wondered if there's something wrong with me for putting up with a husband who won't do the basic things he needs to do to take care of himself.

On Tuesday I finally got to go to my carer support group again (it has been six weeks, we only meet twice a month but my meditation workshop meant I missed one meeting, and then the Melbourne Cup meant the other was cancelled).

I talked about how I was doing and that I was taking care of myself but feeling so sad. Individual members helped me understand I was in a grief phase. Earlier this year I attended a workshop on grief (run by the CEO of Griefline) in mental health caring - the grief for the life, hopes and dreams we had, that we can no longer attain. It is sometimes referred to as burnout, disenfranchised grief or compassion fatigue. The problem is, there is no closure, no definite steps, little family or community support (unlike bereavement or something physical like a heart attack or cancer diagnosis) and it goes up and down and around like a roller coaster.

On Wednesday, I was supposed to go on another respite day, but apparently the government decided my region had enough funding and I didn't get to go. So I went back to Peninsula Springs, and this time I took hubby. Oh, we had a glorious day... and hubby has never felt so relaxed, so why am I feeling so sad again?

I need some more self care

• Call Griefline and/or Carers Victoria and see if I can get some counselling around my grief.
• Research programs that might help hubby with his combined issues (chronic pain, painkiller addiction, anxiety, and depression).
• See if I can find somewhere the whole family can go and meditate or do yoga together.
• Find somewhere closer hubby can go for regular bathing in warm water.

I'm glad to be back... I hope some of my followers are still out there!

My other blogs

As you may have noticed, I don't blog here often... that's because I don't have much spare time!

But I have realized I can blog on some topics without too much effort... I can touch type, and cut and paste, and just add a few thoughts of my own, but still share my knowledge and insights.

Please check out my other two blogs:

Carer Inspirations - lovely things that help lift my spirits

What Sapphyre Read - worthwhile reads. This blog title was inspired by What Katy Did, I read this many, many years ago and I'm sure I still have it in a box!

To snore, or not to snore, that is the question...

This is how I imagine myself in bed, sleeping at night. Bliss (actually I sleep on my stomach, but you get the idea).

Apparently, I've forgotten I have a husband, as he's not in the picture... well, no, I actually am such a good sleeper (when I don't have adrenal fatigue) that it really doesn't matter whether he's there or not. (As long as he doesn't steal all the bedding.)


However, all is not well on the other side of the bed. A few weeks ago, hubby revealed that I am a snorer!

Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We have looked at or tried a few different things, with limited success:

• Anti-snoring ring. (This goes on your finger, just to confuse you!) This helps reduce the amount of snoring. Unfortunately, due to my distracted brain, I keep misplacing it. Grrrr. According to lots of people I know, it does usually work. (I suspect it doesn't work for sleep apnea.)
• Sleeping on your side. Well, I haven't actually tried this, because this is supposed to help when you sleep on your back. Sleeping on your stomach apparently is no worse than sleeping on your side. However, now that I think about it, this is similar to the position that CPR teaches you to put unconscious people in, to improve their airway. (I think.)
• Anti-snoring throat spray. 

And the winner is.... raising the bed head a few inches with bricks under the bed posts. Two nights in a row, hubby has had a great night's sleep. And I haven't snored for more than a minute!

Getting reassurance from blogthings

People Really Like You!

You're simply a great person, and most people who meet you realize it right away.
You're kind, interesting, outgoing, friendly, and polite.
Your friends are lucky to know you. You're a joy to be around.
You are definitely well liked by almost everyone. You're a very popular person!

What People Like About You:

People like that you can defend what you believe in calmly and rationally. You stand your ground and gain respect.

People like that you truly take and interest in them. Everyone likes to be liked!

People like that you take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes. They appreciate your maturity.

Do People Like You?

Inspiration comes from And Who Cares, another carer blog by Ladythinker (Penelope S)

I promise a more meaningful post soon!

Creating 2010... it's not too late to plan for the year, is it?

Creating 2010

What would you like to be your biggest triumph in 2010?
Writing the story of my romance with hubby and how life worked... on a blog will be fine! 

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2010?
One day at a time.

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2010?
Using the loan from my parents to catch up with commitments, and then budgeting and sticking to it! So far I've decided 10% of income on debts (excluding mortgage), 10% into saving for commitments, and 80% to live on. Now I'm starting to track expenses that vary, like petrol, groceries, etc.

What would you be most happy about completing in 2010?
Getting the house decluttered, and having a regular cleaning schedule where each family member knows what they need to do each week or month.

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2010?

Pampering myself! Carer Respite, visits to friends, and other things that make me feel good and help me cope with this life I find myself in.

What would you most like to change about yourself in 2010?
I'd like to lose 20kg and feel healthier.

What are you looking forward to learning in 2010?
I am looking forward to learning what I can change for the better and what I must accept as something I cannot change. Acceptance, Commitment, and Love are my watchwords for 2010.
 

What do you think your biggest risk will be in 2010?
That I will lose myself again in the care of others. Thus I must schedule me-time and visits to friends!
 

What about your work, are you most committed to changing and improving in 2010?
Communication with my manager. Now that I have returned to working in the office, instead of from home, I am making sure my manager is kept up-to-date with relevant news about my work. And about absences.

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2010? 
Writing. I haven't done much this year, but I am very glad I started this blog. I'm unlikely to get time to write a novel for decades, so this is good practice in the meantime! I am thinking about writing up some of the stories of my life, inspired by the My Wife Has Agoraphobia! blog.

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2010? 
>Scrapbooking - making something beautiful. By scheduling regular visits with my friend, and finding a new Creative Memories consultant that runs workshops locally.

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2010?
My husband and children.

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2010?

Serendipity

Thanks again to Sandy MacGregor's Mind Matters News for these questions.

Focus on three beautiful things

Inspired by another blog I'm following... Careless Carer - Focus on 3BT

Three beautiful things today.

1. My son and his friend J have such a beautiful friendship. They look out for each other and do good things for each other.
2. My husband loves me so much. (And I, him!)
3. Work and home are now separate. My 'worker' role is now a peaceful escape from the realities of my carer, mother, and wife roles.

Completing and Remembering 2009

What was your biggest triumph in 2009?
Diagnosing and treating my adrenal fatigue.

What was the smartest decision you made in 2009?
To take over managing DH's medications that he cannot safely manage himself.

What one word best sums up and describes your 2009 experience?
Rollercoaster.

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2009?
I must put my own health and happiness at the top of my priority list. Fit your own oxygen mask before helping others or you will suffocate!

What was the most loving service you performed in 2009?
Staying awake with my husband when he was in lots of pain, unable to sleep, and therefore suicidal.

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2009?
Decluttering our house - it now has 7 years of accumulated clutter.

What are you most happy about completing in 2009?
My stint as a work at home mum. The managing director of my firm decided it was time for all us far-flung workers to return to the offices he pays rent on. This only happened the week before Christmas, and already I have been much more productive... and content!

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2009?
My husband - he always has the greatest impact!
My new friend T - she has been on her own rollercoaster. We have held each other's hands and screamed and cried and laughed through our journeys together.
My counsellor, R - helping me keep on the straight and narrow, and agreeing with me about the adrenal fatigue.

What was the biggest risk you took in 2009?
Taking my husband's medication away from the house without his knowledge. (So it would be harder to access.) I actually snuck out of the house to do this while he was distracted talking to my parents. The risk was he would get very angry with me and I wouldn't cope.

What was the biggest surprise in 2009?
My husband started to realize that his daughter wasn't anywhere near as difficult as he thought she was... as long as you don't rant and rave.

What important relationship improved the most in 2009?
The relationship with my son improved. I believe he knows he can tell me anything now, but we'll have to test that theory over the next year.

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2009?
It's amazing how well you manage things and still keep your sanity!

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2009?
To my husband: You are the dearest, sweetest, most loving and sexy man, and I'm so glad you're all mine! (I'm going to send that to him on Skype right now!)

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2009?
2009 was a difficult year. I'm glad it's over, and I have come through it stronger, and more loving than ever.

Thanks to Sandy MacGregor's Mind Matters News for these questions.

20 years since high school... where does the time go?

On Saturday night, my high school class is getting together to reunite after 20 years. My best friend from Year 11 and 12 has offered to have her daughter babysit, so the kids are coming too.

I'm finally going to wear that gorgeous black dress I bought at an UnderCoverWear party years ago. It would have swum on me 18 months ago, but now fits perfectly again.

Hubby has nausea and vomiting from tramadol xr. Ah well. I hope it wears off in 48 hours, or he won't be much fun!

One of these days I plan to have more time to blog. I want to write something worth reading.

In recovery from Adrenal fatigue

I feel like I have been in one of those complex mystery novels with multiple plot lines that don't seem related until you get near the end of the book.

For the record, the vitamins I started taking on Tuesday are Vit C, Vit B5 and B6, Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc... as recommended by The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. The difference was immedate - felt better within an hour of the vitamins. My mood has not dropped since then, despite stressful incidents!

On Wednesday, I got Dr James Wilson's book Adrenal Fatigue, started reading, and started smiling... it describes my symptoms to a T! I had 13/16 symptoms that were described in the cartoons. And my father tested how well my pupils stayed small in light (not long!) Just goes to show my self-diagnosis was well-researched.

Adrenal Fatigue

I was diagnosed with functional hypoglycemia last year - a symptom of problems with my adrenals, caused by stress.

Taking vitamins. Feel much better. Will post more later.

Tuesday 18 August Positives and Strengths

Journalling the positives of today, and showing my strength.

• I felt good all morning.
• I took myself out to lunch at Michel's Patisserie.
• I booked Wolf's vet appointment.
• I walked to the shops with my daughter.
• My counsellor and I listed heaps of strengths I have. We also came up with some affirmations I will list below. I'm going to write these on my mirror in whiteboard marker each morning.
  
• I confirmed with ARAFEMI that I am coming to the Chinatown outing next week.
• I decided to exercise daily to improve my mood. Even if it's just a walk around the block.
  

Sapphyre's Affirmations

• I am learning to deal with life's ups and downs.
• I am an amazing person who copes well.
• I can choose to make time for myself every day.
• I can choose what to deal with today.
• I can create happiness intentionally! (And yes, I've tried to download Sandy MacGregor's eponymous book. Might have to buy something else too )
  

Being grateful is supposed to help improve my mood

Three things I am grateful for:

1. Free counselling because my dad was a Vietnam Veteran. Boy do I need it! Next appointment on Tuesday.
   
2. The music of Taylor Swift and Lily Allen I keep hearing on the radio... it cheers me up, no end!
   
3. My son's tutor, who helped us turn the kids' bedrooms back into rooms they could use, and help us organise our laundry over the school holidays.

I'm going to try to find someone to go to a movie with me today. I've been doing stuff for everyone else for so long, I'm depressed and out of sorts. Must do more nice things for myself.

A long time between posts

Hello

I didn't realise it had been quite this long! I have not had much spare time.

• I've started counselling (going again tomorrow)
  
• attended the day spa (had a lovely time but got very anxious when it was time to go home)
  
• I've got tonsillitis again,
• DS and DD have been sick
• DH ran out of oxycontin again (it's a monthly event), but we've determined he can get by with Valium and Tramadol XR
• Haven't been to the gym since learning my program - but will go to yoga on Wednesday
• Work has bought me a new PC; setting it up is in progress, but my wonderful DH has found a KVM switch (Keyboard, Video, Mouse) so my desk is not overly cluttered.
• I have a working printer!

I will try to post something more meaningful soon.

The Rollercoaster continued

I woke up next morning full of anxiety, but at least I slept well!

I decided I need to do something to relieve my anxiety. I rang the local pound and they had a report for a missing puppy from the day before matching the description of the puppy we found. One problem solved. DH walked puppy up to the shops to give him back to his owners late Thursday afternoon.

Now, how to regain my equilibrium. I rang a local carer support group that had an outing scheduled for this week; sure that it would be full... but it wasn't! I asked my manager, she agreed a day out would be a good thing for me! So, I'm going up on the rollercoaster, and holding tight to the vision of where I will be able to relax later this week: Peninsula Hot Springs and Day Spa

The Rollercoaster of Life

DH has been coming up on the rollercoaster. Now he is going down (removing non-communicative friends from Facebook, deciding not to go ahead with goals that are too hard). Fortunately, the local community health service has a program especially for people with musculoskeletal issues and anxiety/depression; his key support worker will help him set a couple of goals and break them down into small chunks so they can be achieved. Program includes learning beneficial exercises from a physio and remedial massage too.

I have been going down on the rollercoaster. I haven't had a real break since I went with a friend for a half-day spa in October last year. More than 6 months without even a half day for myself, no wonder I've been grumpy, defeated, and poking holes in DH's plans. But I thought I was having a great day on Wednesday, yay going up on the rollercoaster! I went to my new carer support group and had yummy lemon meringue pie. And then later, when we were picking up the kids after their religion class, we also picked up a black staffy puppy that was playing in the school grounds (after looking around to ensure no one was looking for him). Rather than taking him straight to our vet to check the microchip (which is what I wanted to do), DH decided we'd keep him overnight.

I liked the puppy. In fact I was the one who spotted him and suggested we pick him up before he ran out on a major road. But I thought we would take him straight to the vet; and I let myself get talked into letting it into our home. DH adores animals.

Over the next few hours, I went from being happy to being extremely stressed. The puppy was being, well, a puppy! And I already have enough stress. The last straw for me was when I'd forgotten to take my evening antibiotic (again), and was eating a piece of bread & butter, walking down the hallway. The food was at about chest level, and the puppy took a running jump and bit half the piece of bread out of my hand. I lost it. I screamed and ran down the other end of the house, quickly closing the door behind me. I must've sat on the couch shaking for 5 minutes, breathing and trying to regain my equilibrium.

To be continued... if I get around to it.

Lice, tonsillitis and pink eye. Oh my!

Does anyone want my family?

• DD has lice. (Not again! That's it. I'm chopping her mop to short curls. I can hardly get a brush through it, let alone a nit comb.)
  
• DS went on camp and came back with tonsillitis, which he gave to me. (Yay, I'm still on the antibiotics)
  
• DD now has conjunctivitis, most likely viral (or it could be impetigo as she seem to have that too!!!). I haven't got rid of the lice yet! Oh well, at least she has a better reason for staying home from school.
  
• DH has run out of (good) painkillers and is spending half his day in bed, the other half asking me to keep the kids quiet, while I'm trying to work as a professional software developer.
  

Hang on, two positives:

• At least we haven't got the Swine Flu. (Touch wood!)
• Oh, and the kitten is recovering beautifully from her desexing the other day.